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Hello and welcome to RTalk, the place where we agree to disagree.
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My guest today is Elaine Andres in America and our topic is 'My stroke'.
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Hello Elaine, welcome to an episode of RTalk.
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I'm happy we finally made it.
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Me too. Thanks so much for having me.
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It's a real honour to be here with you and to share this time.
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Oh, you're flattering.
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Thank you very much, but yes, it is a privilege because we have viewers
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and I'd like to introduce you to them for a moment.
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Today, Elaine Andres is the creative director of Reiki Home.
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It was back in 1980 when Elaine experienced pain relief during her first Reiki treatment.
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She had a problem with her shoulder.
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And that made her ...
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She was very intrigued. So she explored. And eventually as of 1984 - and as an ordained minister -
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Elaine started to teach in congregations and interfaith communities.
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A quote from her. "With Reiki as my guide. I am a student of life."
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Quite the spirit of our conversation, I anticipate.
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I got introduced to Elaine in 2017.
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By that time, she had been recognized as the Source of Reiki Home,
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one of the most successful international and inclusive Reiki organization in recent years.
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Presumably, that recognition must have been something of a stroke,
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though a different kind of stroke than we were talking about.
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(laughter)
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Because today we are talking about Elaine's brain stroke, which is the name giver of our RTalk.
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Maybe we can explore some of these other types of strokes as well.
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I made you laugh there, I'm happy about that.
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Me too.
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I never thought about that as a stroke, but it was in a way very much.
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Yes, I looked up in preparation the meaning of 'stroke'.
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Actually in the English language, there are so many ways,
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you know, at 'a single stroke', 'different strokes for different folks' and so on.
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Many, many, I've just put the few underneath in the ticker.
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In fact, today I was in the lake three hours ago, and for the first time in my life, I did the 'backstroke',
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- another stroke - the backstroke, and I had snow falling in my face.
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It was snowing, and I was in the lake, but I was wearing a rubber suit.
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...
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So indeed, I sort of planned our conversation - of course, we have a main topic, and that's your stroke -
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but we can easily transgress also into some other versions of stroke,
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like the one I alluded to with being recognized as the Source,
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or take it on a lighter note, I've also prepared something as a 'stroke of genius',
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if we need a break and watch a short video.
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Where would you like to start, Elaine?
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Wherever you would like, it has been a life-changing experience.
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I think ... maybe for our viewers, because not all of them ... some of them know you a little bit by now,
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with the introduction, is there anything you want to change or add to the introduction?
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Just that my title in Reiki Home changed from Creative Director to Executive Director a while back.
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Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
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We're still making that shift in our own conversations, so ...
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Don't worry about it. Including me.
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And Elaine, some of our viewers, of course, may not have known that you have had a stroke.
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So maybe we start first by you giving a little background of what happened.
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OK.
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So we're all on the same track, so to speak.
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Okay. Well, my six month anniversary is coming up very soon.
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And I'm excited about that, because now I can get my COVID shot.
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On June 12th, about 9:15, I had a major stroke.
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I was very blessed in that my family was home.
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They recognized immediately the signs, which I did not,
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and got me to the hospital a.s.a.p.
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I entered the hospital with a stroke rating - they ranked the strokes - of a 15.
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It was just a number to me until I saw my doctor after I got out of the hospital.
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But that's as bad as it gets.
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Basically what was happening in my brain was the entire right side showed up green in the film.
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And that meant all of that was dying, or had the potential to die.
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So it was as bad as it gets.
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They gave me a TPA shot, I think that's what it's called, which broke up the clot.
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And then they did a surgery and went up and vacuumed all the little pieces out of it.
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Probably my favorite story about that experience is when the brain surgeon got finished
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- the surgery was supposed to take between an hour and three hours -
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when the brain surgeon got finished, his statement to me was:
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"Lady, you have an amazing brain."
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So I love that. That was a real gift.
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I just remind everybody if they contradict me, remember a brain surgeon said,
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I have an amazing brain.
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Give me the name of that brain surgeon.
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I know. I do. I have it.
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(laughter)
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I should have him sign something.
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So, I asked the anesthesiologist what that meant and he said that my brain, whatever they call them,
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the things in your brain was very clear.
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There was no compression. There was no kinks.
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There was nothing.
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The pathways were very clean and clear.
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The surgery itself took 26 minutes.
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They were inside my brain six minutes.
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So since I had to be awake during that time, I chose to be awake, because they asked me to,
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I was very grateful.
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The entire process from the time I went into the surgery room,
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till I left was 40 minutes.
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Wow!
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That's pretty amazing, according to the hospital for this kind of a stroke.
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You know, this is a good spot to express some gratitude to the technology and to the medical field.
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We sometimes, particularly us who are in this complimentary healing methods field,
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we sometimes forget that most of us wouldn't be alive to start off with without the miracles of medicine.
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So this is a good place to express that gratitude.
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Yeah ... I would not be here.
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If you had not been for my family, Garrett, Nika, and Zachery, they saved my life.
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They really did.
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And usually when I talk about it, I cry, but I'm planning not to cry today, but it may happen.
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And then all the doctors and the nurses, the ICU and the support staff, everybody just ...
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It was an amazing experience.
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I was in the hospital for three days, and I can honestly say, I really had fun the entire time after the surgery.
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I had a blast.
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You know, your recovery, to me as a layperson,
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it sounds ... I had actually forgotten that it was only half an year ago ...
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I know.
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... that you had your stroke. Your recovery seems to have been amazing in terms of recovering per se, but also the speed of it.
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Just now, and I remember you told me a while back already that humour was an important part of that recovery.
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Was it ... Tell me a little bit the importance of that positiveness, that joking with the doctors and ...
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We just had a really good time.
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I was under ... Well, I think part of it too is the part that I did not, I forgot to tell you.
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Just before they asked me what I wanted my treatment to be, I had a very clear vision of being in a room of light.
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And there were many, many people there. The light was warm. I envisioned it is what people describe when they die and go to the light.
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Although that did not happen to me. I did check. I did not die and they did not resuscitate me.
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So my vision was a vision. A real vision.
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And I was in that room of light and watching and participating as people came in and got what they needed and left.
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And there was just this exchange of love, receiving and giving the circular ... Reiki.
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It was clearly a very, very blessed space to be in.
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And just as they were calling me back, saying, Elaine, I heard the words: "there is nothing to fear, nothing".
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So I came out with that clear truth because I recognized that was true.
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And so when the doctor said, if your heart stops, they explained to me what the procedures were, that the possibilities were it could go very wrong.
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That meant nothing, didn't mean anything to me because I was so in that space of there is nothing to fear, nothing.
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And so the doctor said to me: "So, if your heart stops or you stop breathing, do you want us to bring you back?"
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And my response was very clear: "Yes, I'm not done yet."
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I laughed because it felt like my energy was ... I set up on the bed, I put my hand on my hip,
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I pointed my finger right in that doctor's chest and basically said: "Don't mess with me, lady. I'm not done, you better bring me back."
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And so I think because of that experience, all the rest of the things were just easy when the brain doc, the surgeon asked me: "Can you stay awake?"
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And I said: "How long?" And he said: "Three hours."
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And I kind of thought, oh, wow, can I do that? And it came back. There's absolutely nothing to fear.
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And I said, yes.
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Was it important that you stayed awake during that period?
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They didn't want you to go fall asleep?
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Yeah, he wanted to be able to talk with me.
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There was another man guiding the little vacuum cleaners, the way I imagined it, when the little tubes were in my brain.
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They were talking and he said: "Well, sometimes it's important if I just asked you a question."
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I said: "Is this going to hurt?"
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He said: "No. It'll hurt when I enter the vein in your leg. That'll hurt."
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Well, he told me the truth. It did.
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And he said; "The rest of that, then you won't feel anything. Even when I come out, you won't feel anything."
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I said: "OK."
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(Sigh of relief.)
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If it's not going to hurt, I can do that. And then he says to me:
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"And it's very important that you not move your head once I start."
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So, that's what happened.
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I got to the ICU. They told me because there's a thrombectomy and entering that artery, vein, whatever it was,
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I could not move my leg for 24 hours.
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And I thought, OK, I can do that. And it was a piece of cake.
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We just had so much fun.
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The nurse came in every 15 minutes to check me.
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What is your name? Where are you? What's happened? What day is it? What time is it?
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All these questions. So that after a few hours of that, I said to her:
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"You know, I've noticed something."
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And she said: "What?", thinking it was something about my stroke. She was right over the bed.
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And I said: "I've noticed that you have a problem remembering the answers to the questions that you ask.
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You ask the same questions every 15 minutes."
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(laughter)
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She just laughed.
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So, we just had fun to the point that I was only an ICU two days.
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And as they were preparing me to leave and go to ...
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Where did I go? Neurology, I guess, that's where I went for a day.
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This doctor on the ICU, walked into my room.
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He wasn't on my team at all. And the nurse immediately said: "Oh, doctor so and so, what can I do for you?"
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And he said: "Well, I just had to come meet this lady."
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And she introduced us. And I said: "Hello."
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And he said: "We don't get patients like you in ICU. I just wanted to meet you."
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So, my reputation had spread.
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(laughter)
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Excellent.
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A lot of fun.
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Yeah, it's ...
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very tangible that this positiveness and this lightness with the humour ...
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and yet, the clarity and honesty, there is clearly nothing ...
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you know, which is not being transparent between you and your doctors.
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This humour is ... very powerful to listen to you and is very inspiring.
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Because, obviously this in itself, besides the medical intervention, besides the Reiki support
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and besides the prayers, which no doubt - I know you're a religious person - have supported you,
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besides all that, that basic attitude of lightness and humour, I'm sure that's very key to your recovery.
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I really think so because I didn't realize it, but I really am focused on that room of light.
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Because that was so real.
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I felt like I was just in pure truth, pure love, pure life, but this, this is where we are to live.
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And we choose not to. I have chosen not to. Because I didn't know it existed.
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I just had never had that experience.
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I'd had lots of spiritual experiences in my life, but nothing like that. Ever.
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And it, you know, when I ... just before I was coming on this show,
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I sat for a moment and I just closed my eyes and I just remembered that space,
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took a breath and heard the words again:
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"There is absolutely nothing to fear."
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So if there's nothing to fear, what's left?
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Fun. Joy. Love.
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You know, all the good stuff of life, that's what's left if there's nothing to fear.
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I find that such an important message also.
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All my life ... I've been encountering death very early in my life,
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you know, with my father who died and I was there first aid and so on.
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All the way to where I am today as a Reiki teacher, I have clients and people who get old, who die.
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In Reiki Conciliation, my assistant Edith, god bless her and rest in peace.
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I accompanied her through the dying phase.
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Cancer situation, very difficult.
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So ...
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With all of that and as I'm listening to you and your story around the stroke you had,
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it's life threatening, yes, but it's also life affirming more than anything else.
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You know, the joy and the humour which is palpable as we talk,
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that comes out of it as you correctly say, if there's nothing to fear anymore, there's only joy left.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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And here we are, we are spending so much time with daily life and are busy with so many worries and so many things.
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And when the chips are down, when it's very existential because most of these things we worry about, they are actually superficial garbage ...
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Right.
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... it's not existential. When the chips are down and all this garbage is out of our sight, we remember what this is all about and it's life and it's being alive.
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Right. Right. It is. It's such a gift.
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It's just such a joy to be here.
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You know, I go for walks and a blue bird comes out every day from this one house.
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I don't know why, but for days this blue bird flies across my path.
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I go out and sit in the backyard and a red dragon fly comes,
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which I didn't realize is a symbol of transformation and transition, moving from death to life.
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And I contemplated what that meant and it has appeared periodically just kind of like
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just to remind you, just remember, this is your path. This is what's happening.
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...
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Having done a little bit of research now around brain strokes,
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one of the American specialists I found a video on actually he was saying that
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it happens often also to younger women than you are. Even way before their menopause and with 35 and so on.
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It appears that the majority of those patients are actually women.
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So I assume that there are women out there listening to us as we talk.
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I don't want to ask you do you have a word of advice that's unfair.
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But you can speak about your own experience and what you felt helped you
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because here we are, we are talking about those glorious, light filled, joyous moments.
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But let's not fool ourselves. There are also the other days and when there's pain, it's when it's dark.
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And it was a long way for you to come even though it was only six months from where you were to where you are now. So ...
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True. The other thing I think I would share is that most stroke people don't have the experience that I had.
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This isn't common.
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That's I think important to realize. There are many different kinds of strokes which I didn't know.
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The first week after my stroke I read a book on people's life-stories after stroke. I learned a lot.
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I realized that the medicine and the surgery that they gave me could not have worked.
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There were stories there where it did not work.
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So I have really been blessed with a unique experience.
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One of the things that I have learned which was a shock to me because I consider myself an educated woman and an open kind person.
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I did not realize how little I understand about the daily walk of someone who's had a stroke, even myself.
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I walked out of the hospital three days after my stroke, coming in at a 15 which is as bad as it gets,
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120 of whatever they measure in my brain was going to die.
0:23:40.010,0:23:45.420
I could have died. There were three times I could have died with each one of those treatments
0:23:45.500,0:23:48.550
and from the stroke and I didn't.
0:23:51.680,0:23:55.900
I came out with a zero in three days.
0:23:56.240,0:24:03.610
That was my ranking which means I needed no physical therapy and no occupational therapy at that time.
0:24:04.200,0:24:14.060
And as I have struggled with emotions - I didn't know that that was the part of stroke
0:24:14.340,0:24:19.860
but emotions can just spring out of me and I have no awareness.
0:24:21.200,0:24:22.570
Tears.
0:24:22.740,0:24:26.990
You could say one little thing and I'll just turn into a puddle of tears.
0:24:28.270,0:24:36.090
You could look at me or ... My granddaughter, just to give you an example of how this works.
0:24:36.250,0:24:40.990
My granddaughter was in bed. She was laying on top of the blankets.
0:24:41.510,0:24:47.890
I walked in and I was really tired. I wanted to go to bed and I said to her:
0:24:48.220,0:24:50.980
"Would you just please get under the blankets."
0:24:51.880,0:24:58.610
She looked at me kind of puzzled and she said: "Grammy, are you angry with me?"
0:25:00.220,0:25:05.550
It kind of caught me short because I wasn't aware.
0:25:06.410,0:25:12.880
I took a moment and I said: "No honey, I'm not angry at you. I was angry at what I was working on
0:25:12.880,0:25:20.530
because the article I was writing wouldn't come. And I came down angry and I spoke in an angry way, didn't I?"
0:25:20.530,0:25:26.430
She said: "Yeah, it sounded like you'd asked me 10 times to do that."
0:25:27.960,0:25:36.690
We just both laughed, but the anger to just come out in some ways and nasty ways,
0:25:37.090,0:25:42.410
which I deeply regret when that happens. And I don't even know it's coming.
0:25:44.840,0:25:53.760
Grief can hit just suddenly and I'll be out walking and suddenly I'm just sobbing and sobbing and sobbing.
0:25:54.980,0:26:00.940
It could be because I'm so grateful that I'm alive. I cried at Thanksgiving at dinner table.
0:26:02.060,0:26:07.770
Because I was sitting with my family and there was a good chance that I wouldn't have been there.
0:26:08.290,0:26:17.240
Christmas is that way. So there are very difficult things that I am going through.
0:26:18.710,0:26:24.610
They're not physical. I told the nurses as I was leaving. She said:
0:26:24.910,0:26:30.090
"I can't believe that you have no occupational or physical therapy."
0:26:30.510,0:26:36.200
And I said: "Where my journey is going to be is emotional and mental."
0:26:36.910,0:26:39.680
That's where I'm going to struggle.
0:26:41.070,0:26:44.010
And I am. And I am.
0:26:44.710,0:26:48.510
...
0:26:49.250,0:26:54.410
I'm sure it isn't. I'm glad that you have a good support system.
0:26:54.760,0:27:00.980
And I'm eternally grateful for your openness, you know, to be here to speak so freely about it.
0:27:01.020,0:27:16.180
And I'm glad we also touched on some of the challenging aspects, not to convey a naïve, rose glasses, painted ... image.
0:27:17.290,0:27:24.470
According to the doctor, I lost four of whatever the 120 was. So I lost very little,
0:27:24.730,0:27:29.350
but I lost up here in the attention and focus area.
0:27:30.020,0:27:36.030
So, I can run around as my dad used to say, run around the barn until you find the door.
0:27:36.200,0:27:40.610
I will run around the barn in 10 times before I find the door.
0:27:41.020,0:27:46.900
And I've learned to ask people just to stop me on the second round. It'll save us both a lot of time.
0:27:47.130,0:27:49.100
(laughter)
0:27:49.200,0:27:51.340
I don't know I'm running!
0:27:51.940,0:28:00.440
My brain is running or my brain will just send ... I'll be talking to you ... and I’ll go away.
0:28:01.690,0:28:10.770
You know, this quick recovery and being so much back to full capacity
0:28:11.340,0:28:23.000
and having experienced this, which ... I know also is a challenge to you - and you just described it in other words - to the 'personality'.
0:28:23.200,0:28:31.810
So many people who have had brain damages were afterwards for years battling with reconnecting with who they are and who they were.
0:28:31.970,0:28:42.580
So, and what I'm alluding to or driving at is, here I'm talking to you and I know you were very active woman before the brain stroke
0:28:42.670,0:28:48.740
and you recovered very quickly, there is a degree of danger that you're expecting of yourself
0:28:48.740,0:28:58.560
and the environment is expecting of you to be, you know, I talk to you and it's like we spoke a year ago.
0:28:58.800,0:29:05.890
So why shouldn't I have the same kind of expectation, speed as I had back then.
0:29:06.450,0:29:14.630
But I suspect the worst expectations do not come from the outside, but probably from yourself. Am I right on that?
0:29:14.630,0:29:16.180
Yeah, absolutely!
0:29:16.180,0:29:25.910
I've really struggled with recognizing that the way I've lived is not the healthiest for me.
0:29:26.740,0:29:34.170
And letting go of a lot of those patterns has been a real struggle.
0:29:34.360,0:29:38.020
And I continue to struggle with that.
0:29:38.200,0:29:45.200
I was talking with a friend and we were talking about surrender, release, letting go.
0:29:45.610,0:29:49.640
And I said: "You know, I've been working on that since I was in fifth grade."
0:29:50.360,0:29:54.000
My piano teacher, I don't remember now what the issue was,
0:29:54.000,0:29:58.310
but my piano teacher gave me a book called 'Let Go and Let God'.
0:29:59.220,0:30:07.690
I read that book and I've been consciously working to surrender, release, let go all my life.
0:30:08.380,0:30:10.990
And I still have a lot of work to do.
0:30:12.300,0:30:17.340
I'm not done yet. There I go. There's my tie in. I'm not done yet.
0:30:18.030,0:30:25.410
Yeah. Yeah. And of course, the surrendering, the surrender in trust and this surrender to the flow of life,
0:30:25.700,0:30:34.420
well, many people would say that's the very essence of the definition of why we exist and why we are here.
0:30:35.490,0:30:40.800
Elaine, unless you want to add on your stroke something,
0:30:41.250,0:30:52.650
I'd be open for some light entertainment and then maybe get towards the stroke of being recognized as the Source of Reiki Home.
0:30:52.660,0:30:56.370
If that is okay, how does that feel for you?
0:30:56.990,0:30:58.030
Okay.
0:30:59.270,0:31:04.650
Did you want to add something about 'my stroke', meaning the brain stroke?
0:31:05.200,0:31:11.860
Just that it's a journey and it's been difficult for people, especially my family,
0:31:12.500,0:31:20.780
because I can only take so much in a conversation, so many words and then it's like, stop.
0:31:21.480,0:31:29.260
I can't talk anymore. I can't listen anymore. And if you continue to talk, I'm going to have to leave.
0:31:30.400,0:31:37.390
That's hard for people to recognize, because as you said, I look and appear totally normal.
0:31:38.370,0:31:43.320
But I am going to be getting some occupational therapy and probably some physical therapy,
0:31:43.480,0:31:47.480
because I have some things that are not bouncing back.
0:31:48.240,0:31:51.050
So I will be going for more therapy.
0:31:52.340,0:31:57.940
So I guess in terms of my stroke, I would just ask people to really
0:31:58.630,0:32:07.880
be kind and compassionate to everyone, because everyone has some kind of something going on inside.
0:32:08.470,0:32:11.840
And we don't see that and we don't know that.
0:32:13.580,0:32:18.690
And just to respond to people with kindness.
0:32:20.090,0:32:22.090
That would be my request.
0:32:22.340,0:32:30.050
In future, you can say, oh, before we meet tomorrow, have a look at this video and you showed them our conversation.
0:32:32.200,0:32:33.990
I can do that.
0:32:36.090,0:32:44.600
Let's look at a stroke of genius, which is another type of stroke.
0:32:45.200,0:32:48.870
And I suspect there is like a bridge.
0:32:49.060,0:32:54.870
What you described about your stroke is so intense with life
0:32:55.200,0:33:03.970
and what I'm ... the brief intermezzo I'm showing to you, is actually also very intense with life.
0:33:04.450,0:33:05.770
Have a look.
0:33:05.910,0:33:06.740
Okay.
0:33:06.870,0:33:08.680
Just a minute, a short video.
0:33:08.860,0:33:10.810
All right. Sounds good.
0:33:12.160,0:33:20.460
(Music)
0:33:20.890,0:33:27.280
It was when Van Gogh moved to Arles in the South of France in February 1888, just two and a half years before his death,
0:33:27.590,0:33:33.030
that he discovered his own style, his own way of writing as it were,
0:33:33.200,0:33:39.140
sculpting with thickly applied three-dimensional dabs of paint on the canvas.
0:33:39.430,0:33:45.200
Never before had an artist applied thick gobs of paint, like you see in the painting behind me.
0:33:45.200,0:33:49.850
Not just dabs of paint, but actual smears laid on with his fingers,
0:33:50.000,0:33:53.040
coming directly out of the paint tubes with a palette knife,
0:33:53.100,0:33:59.240
building up thick and crusted layers, to the point where the painting looks like it's actually alive.
0:34:00.020,0:34:04.150
And this is what people recognize as the extraordinary individual brushstroke,
0:34:04.250,0:34:09.370
the handwriting that can only be done by a genius like Vincent Van Gogh.
0:34:14.200,0:34:15.490
There we go.
0:34:16.200,0:34:21.480
Slight change, another stroke, a stroke of genius. In this case it's a painter.
0:34:22.180,0:34:32.030
In a way, and that's maybe the bridge, aren't we all looking for the stroke of genius inside us and
0:34:33.010,0:34:38.420
is it sometimes 'necessary' - in inverted comma the 'necessary' -
0:34:38.790,0:34:46.560
that the experience, the kind of stroke you had, to remember what life is all about and why I'm here?
0:34:46.580,0:34:55.620
And reconnect with the quest for the purpose why the genius, the stroke of genius, which
0:34:56.700,0:35:05.770
- not to the level of Van Gogh, but in our own way - we all are having that stroke of ...
0:35:06.980,0:35:11.050
inspiration maybe or zest for life or ... ?
0:35:11.410,0:35:19.950
It doesn't need to be a genius, which is also very close to madness as Van Gogh, of course, is a good example for.
0:35:20.290,0:35:25.290
...
0:35:25.840,0:35:28.950
I mentioned right at the beginning that
0:35:28.980,0:35:39.140
maybe the recognition of Source, being the Source in Reiki Home, was somewhat of a stroke.
0:35:41.790,0:35:46.630
I know from my own experience - and my viewers have some insight
0:35:47.120,0:35:54.110
about the concept of Sourceness because I've had Peter Koenig as a guest in my talk show -
0:35:54.580,0:36:00.470
...
0:36:00.750,0:36:06.460
the concept of Sourceness entails also sometimes the pain
0:36:06.980,0:36:15.560
of being a source of something, of a project, of an organization, of an idea without being recognized,
0:36:15.800,0:36:22.240
basically being in the second line or even further back in the dark.
0:36:22.940,0:36:27.860
Conversely, by the way, very often the people in the front line, the managing directors,
0:36:27.930,0:36:38.020
the CEOs of a company who see themselves in the spotlight and they see themselves carrying all the responsibility
0:36:39.520,0:36:49.120
and they're actually not the source! They're also going through a painful phase when the source of an organization is not known to them.
0:36:49.320,0:36:58.690
And I know you have come through that and then there was a stroke of Sourceness in your life.
0:36:59.790,0:37:09.390
And I know that your organization, Reiki Home, has - if I may say so - flourished ever since that recognition.
0:37:09.950,0:37:19.140
I'd like to expand on that a little bit. Correct me if you see it differently to what I just summarized.
0:37:21.200,0:37:22.910
That's interesting.
0:37:24.200,0:37:26.310
We did flourish. That's true.
0:37:27.990,0:37:30.030
It was not that easy.
0:37:31.020,0:37:38.210
There has been a lot of challenges in Reiki Home that we've had since that time.
0:37:38.610,0:37:42.720
...
0:37:43.010,0:37:46.000
I need for you to repeat that question again.
0:37:48.890,0:37:50.000
How ...?
0:37:50.540,0:37:59.580
There was a time when you were - my words now, not yours - in the background in Reiki Home.
0:37:59.630,0:38:00.420
Okay.
0:38:00.440,0:38:05.430
And then there was a moment when that changed.
0:38:06.310,0:38:14.900
It was a metamorphosis from my perspective in Reiki Home, but also in other case studies with Sourceness.
0:38:15.010,0:38:19.950
So that moment of metamorphosis when things changed, when the spotlight was on you,
0:38:19.950,0:38:28.260
when you found being recognized in that role of what we call Sourceness. How was that for you?
0:38:29.200,0:38:30.990
There was a real shock.
0:38:33.020,0:38:40.780
I had been in the background for years taking notes, taking minutes, calling meetings, doing the Zoom work,
0:38:41.130,0:38:47.280
you know, paying bills, all the administrative work that needs to go on in an organization.
0:38:48.200,0:38:54.160
I was quite unprepared for being named Source of Reiki Home.
0:38:55.450,0:39:06.930
When Phyllis (Furumoto) recognized that, she recognized me in a moment at the annual general meeting in Arizona in 2016.
0:39:07.470,0:39:13.940
And she had been on a journey with you to find the Source of Reiki Home.
0:39:13.990,0:39:18.580
And she had had that conversation with you like in February, I think.
0:39:18.970,0:39:25.250
And you were very clear with her that she was not the Source of Reiki Home.
0:39:25.250,0:39:35.200
And you shared with her that until she found the Source and the Source was recognized, Reiki Home would continue to struggle.
0:39:35.510,0:39:39.980
Because we had been struggling a lot up to that point.
0:39:41.190,0:39:48.240
So she shared in the group that journey that you began her, you started her on,
0:39:48.470,0:39:56.810
how she had read Peter's works and things and had really looked for Source.
0:39:57.200,0:40:07.500
And she shared later in another meeting - I had forgotten about it and I just stumbled onto that conversation recently -
0:40:07.820,0:40:14.250
that when she went to the annual general meeting that she was really agitated about me.
0:40:15.530,0:40:17.540
Which was normal.
0:40:17.610,0:40:22.390
You know, we had ... she's been my Reiki master since 1984.
0:40:23.070,0:40:28.380
There were moments when she would push me and challenge me and I thought I would break.
0:40:29.070,0:40:34.830
It was difficult. It was a difficult relationship with her as my Reiki master.
0:40:35.200,0:40:40.870
So, when she said that, it was like, so what's new? You're always irritated with me.
0:40:41.200,0:40:45.290
But she saw something that I never saw.
0:40:46.200,0:40:51.680
And that's why she initiated me as a Reiki master.
0:40:51.760,0:40:57.860
I asked her one time: "Why did you initiate me when you so clearly get upset with me all the time?"
0:40:57.890,0:41:02.910
She said: "Because you have something special to bring to the Reiki community.
0:41:03.230,0:41:06.240
And I knew if I didn't initiate you now, I would lose you."
0:41:06.990,0:41:12.650
Because I was initiated very fast, back in the old days, when nobody knew anything.
0:41:13.110,0:41:14.600
And there was no training.
0:41:14.600,0:41:23.610
So, when she recognized me as Source, my experience was ... I was totally unprepared for that.
0:41:23.680,0:41:30.640
I knew nothing about Source, although the night before I had been given an article about 'Source'
0:41:31.140,0:41:35.430
and told her to read it. I looked at it. It was about organizations.
0:41:35.440,0:41:40.390
I didn't have time. I had notes to type. It was late. I didn't read it.
0:41:40.980,0:41:52.920
So when she told the story and recognized me, she said she was speaking for the Reiki Home, for all of us.
0:41:53.410,0:42:00.200
And that she just wanted to recognize me as the Source of Reiki Home.
0:42:00.200,0:42:04.040
And my immediate response was this
0:42:04.200,0:42:10.240
because I got so hot. I mean, it just poured through me.
0:42:10.240,0:42:14.290
It was just ... I was just on fire inside my body.
0:42:14.550,0:42:23.060
I had no idea what was happening, why it was happening, what it meant at all.
0:42:24.010,0:42:26.870
So I just fanned myself. I mean, I was really hot.
0:42:27.530,0:42:30.940
My left hand is not fanning as well as my right hand.
0:42:33.200,0:42:37.740
And I said, you know: "I don't know what that means."
0:42:38.510,0:42:40.640
And she said nothing. She said:
0:42:40.640,0:42:50.100
"You just continue to do your life and be as you are, because you've been Source of Reiki Home since the beginning."
0:42:51.200,0:43:01.090
So I took that. The whole room erupted in yay and clapping and they put me in the circle and they gave me Reiki
0:43:01.090,0:43:07.740
and people said when she started talking about looking for the Source of Reiki Home, I knew it was you.
0:43:07.770,0:43:12.640
I got that a lot from the people there: "I knew. I already knew."
0:43:13.040,0:43:17.890
And I thought: "Well, that's good because I guess I'm the only one in the room that didn't."
0:43:18.450,0:43:21.380
I just didn't get it.
0:43:22.000,0:43:26.800
So I said: "Well, I don't know what to do." And she said: "Just be yourself."
0:43:28.200,0:43:35.140
You know, Elaine, I so much empathize with what you described.
0:43:35.200,0:43:39.860
That happens so often to people when they're being recognized as Source.
0:43:40.620,0:43:52.720
Just imagine when this story started, I was in Arizona doing my filming with Phyllis for the documentary interview in 2016.
0:43:53.710,0:43:59.280
We were on the ranch, the physical Reiki Home basically.
0:44:00.690,0:44:05.020
But it was evident that that ranch came to an end.
0:44:05.200,0:44:11.900
And we were sitting ... We were three of us talking and more to myself than to the two ladies, I said:
0:44:11.930,0:44:21.480
"Well, the source would have the answers to the questions which need to be answered for Reiki Home to flourish."
0:44:23.820,0:44:31.010
They wanted to know what's the Source. So I told them in few sentences because it's not such a mystical big thing in the first place.
0:44:31.090,0:44:32.070
No.
0:44:32.420,0:44:35.360
And then I asked them, who do you think the Source is.
0:44:36.200,0:44:42.180
Joyce pointed at Phyllis. And Phyllis looked at me and she pointed at herself.
0:44:43.310,0:44:50.200
I said to her: "Well, you may be the visible face. You may be the horse pulling the wagon.
0:44:50.200,0:44:58.200
You may be the engine driving this whole thing. You may be the most visible and the most powerful of all the people involved.
0:44:58.200,0:45:01.760
But that does not make you the Source."
0:45:03.760,0:45:09.390
Of course, she was at first flabbergasted, but Phyllis being Phyllis having an open mind
0:45:09.410,0:45:11.230
she wanted to know more about the concept.
0:45:11.230,0:45:11.930
Right.
0:45:11.990,0:45:17.310
And I sent her a whole lot of information, which then eventually ended up on your desk.
0:45:17.800,0:45:23.700
But the point I'm driving at: that moment you referred to when you had the hot flushes,
0:45:24.010,0:45:34.510
I so much empathize with Phyllis, because the whole world, including herself, had the expectation of success,
0:45:34.760,0:45:44.200
which was impossible for her to achieve, because of that hidden Sourceness, so to speak.
0:45:44.600,0:45:50.120
So that moment when you were being recognized, it must have been
0:45:50.180,0:45:56.200
- and again, I know that from my own experience, what a great relief this is.
0:45:56.200,0:46:01.570
I experienced it being the elected president of an organization
0:46:01.640,0:46:09.200
and recognizing that actually it was my wife who was the Source,
0:46:09.200,0:46:17.990
first, it blew my mind and my first response was: "What, I am the president but she is the Source, does that make me the water carrier?"
0:46:18.120,0:46:20.520
(laughter)
0:46:20.790,0:46:24.800
My ego, of course, immediately knocked at the door.
0:46:24.870,0:46:31.910
But the moment - and with a little bit of consciousness and with just a little bit of Reiki help -
0:46:32.760,0:46:38.820
those ego moments quickly evaporate and then there is a tremendous amount of relief.
0:46:40.110,0:46:45.860
And she must have felt an incredible, incredible amount of relief at that moment.
0:46:46.250,0:46:54.970
I remember sitting and looking at her and saying: "I don't know what to say."
0:46:55.830,0:47:03.490
She looked me right in the eyes and she said: "I think your line is: thank you for finally noticing."
0:47:04.440,0:47:11.160
And I looked her right back in the eyes and I said those words: "Thank you for finally noticing."
0:47:11.590,0:47:17.590
And then I said it to the room and then the heat got really, really intense.
0:47:17.700,0:47:19.090
Well, I'm sure.
0:47:19.090,0:47:20.140
... really intense.
0:47:21.310,0:47:28.900
And well, you know, all the more respect and love for Phyllis to have the presence and the courage
0:47:28.940,0:47:36.530
and the directness and the power to tell a person, well, your line now is to simply say, thank you.
0:47:36.760,0:47:37.820
Yes.
0:47:38.200,0:47:39.020
Amazing.
0:47:39.040,0:47:44.680
Yeah, Phyllis was an absolutely amazing Reiki master.
0:47:44.760,0:47:54.840
I couldn't have had a better person because she saw me and she couldn't describe me to myself or to herself.
0:47:55.760,0:48:05.870
But she saw the essence and she did everything in her power to invite me to step into who I am.
0:48:06.970,0:48:10.970
And it didn't matter what the cost to her.
0:48:11.680,0:48:19.740
She simply gave the truth as she felt it and that was hard to take sometimes.
0:48:20.060,0:48:24.620
Yeah. For both, for the receiver and the giver, it was hard.
0:48:24.620,0:48:27.120
Right. We struggled together.
0:48:27.740,0:48:35.240
Rest in peace, Phyllis Lei Furumoto, so many of us are in awe and in gratefulness.
0:48:35.680,0:48:36.630
Absolutely.
0:48:37.200,0:48:46.320
Elaine, we have to come a little bit to an end. I think the next RTalk you and I are going to have is maybe
0:48:46.740,0:48:53.000
on how it is to be the Source, what that means and how you deal with it
0:48:53.020,0:49:03.110
because that's not the answer to all the challenges which an organization faces just to know
0:49:03.440,0:49:11.050
I should have the connection to the inspiration, to the original energy field.
0:49:12.130,0:49:23.310
We screw up as we go along, we make the wrong decisions and that in itself, maybe would be a follow up we do in half a year or a year. Should we?
0:49:23.740,0:49:34.480
I think so. I think so, because I would want to emphasize in that that every person is a source of their life.
0:49:34.970,0:49:41.660
It's not like I'm something special. I'm just a person that I connect to a field of energy.
0:49:42.200,0:49:49.740
And I share what comes and then it's up to the rest of us to create Reiki Home.
0:49:51.200,0:49:55.810
Well, thank you for your parting words.
0:49:56.200,0:50:00.200
You are a very special person. Take it from me.
0:50:00.410,0:50:01.890
Thank you.
0:50:02.730,0:50:06.390
I'd like to close here. Is that okay with you if we close?
0:50:06.660,0:50:07.920
Absolutely.
0:50:08.460,0:50:13.370
Thank you very much Elaine for having joined me here.
0:50:13.470,0:50:21.030
I wish you all the best and you still have a day ahead of you, I believe.
0:50:21.250,0:50:24.550
I do. I have a few tasks to do.
0:50:25.290,0:50:29.050
Okay. Good luck. Bye-bye, Elaine. Thank you.
0:50:29.200,0:50:34.040
Thank you so much. It's been such a joy to spend this time with you.
0:50:34.520,0:50:36.660
Same thing here. Thank you.
0:50:37.200,0:50:43.570
So, dear viewers. Thank you for having watched and please subscribe.
0:50:43.690,0:50:50.060
That's my usual parting words, but more importantly in three weeks’ time, watch again.
Arno Greter, Switzerland, 
